This week, we have guest blogger Eric of Hardwood Paroxysm. The IGHNers are Triz Gallo and Angelo. Get ready to piss off your boss when he finds this article in your browser history — things are about to get dangerously sexy.
I Would Marry (player with the best overall week):
Angelo: The San Antonio Spurs
Yes, the whole team. Laws be damned, they were that good last week. What’s that you say? They still aren’t as good as Oklahoma City? Wrong. In the last week, not only were the Spurs able to catch up with OKC in the standings, but they actually surpassed them to take control over the top of the Western Conference. Sure, their schedule hasn’t been the hardest, but they’re on an eleven game winning streak (including wins over Dallas, Phoenix, Philly and Boston), Tim Duncan and Manu Ginoboli are playing less than 30 minutes per game and will be coming into the playoffs with fresh legs and, oh yeah, they’re also now fighting Chicago for the best record in the league. Do the Spurs and Pops have it in them for one more run? I just think they might.
Triz: Lester Hudson (Cleveland Cavaliers
That is all.
Eric: Danny Granger (Indiana Pacers)
The Pacers are the stereotypical cute girl in school. Decent enough in all areas, not necessarily hot in any, but good looking enough that you’d be proud to go out on a date with her/them. They don’t have a “sexy” superstar like other contenders in the East, but when Danny Granger is feeling it, he’s still got the ability to put on a show as the face of this team. Facing a 17 point deficit against the Knicks in the third quarter, Granger strapped the Pacers on his back and scored 14 of his 27 points in the fourth quarter. When the dust settled, Indiana had outscored New York 40-17 in the period and won the game 112-108. One night later, Granger led the Pacers in scoring 20 points as they cruised by the Wizards 109-96, a game which saw the starting lineup shoot a blistering 71% from the field. Granger again put on a shooting display in the fourth quarter against the Thunder on Thursday night scoring 13 of his 26 points in the fourth in a 103-98 win. Though Indiana’s four game winning streak was broken, Granger led the Pacers in scoring again on Saturday against the Celtics with his 20 point effort.
I Would Fuck (player with the best individual game performance):
Angelo: Carmelo Anthony (New York Knicks) April 8th
I totally understand how people could forget how good Carmelo Anthony is. When you really think about it, it’s been two long years since we’ve really seen Carmelo Anthony playing like Carmelo Anthony. First it was him dragging his feet because he was still in Denver, then it was because he was playing on a squad that had traded everything they had except a version of Amar’e Stoudemire held together with scotch tape, then it was because he clashed with the coach’s system. Now? He’s back. While he’s been playing far better for Woodson than he has for most of the past two years, Sunday’s game against the Bulls was remarkable. 43 points being matched up against Luol Deng. An OT victory against the best team in the league, at home in MSG, without Lin or Amar’e. The pressure was insane and yet, Carmelo rose to the moment. Welcome back Melo. Please don’t leave again.
Triz: Blake Griffin(‘s Dunk on Gasol) (LA Clippers) April 4th
Even though this moment isn’t the single best game performance of the week, Blake Griffin’s dunk on Pau Gasol gets the nod. I mean, this dunk was so vicious that Andrew Bynum gave gave Pau the “daaaaamn” look. It reminded me of that flashback scene in Friday where Red tries to get his bike back from Debo. As you know, Debo knocks Red into next week. Well, in this scenario, Pau is Red and Bynum is Red’s dad dragging him to the car going “I don’t even know why you hang around with these people! Get in the car, son!”
Eric: Carmelo Anthony (New York Knicks) April 8th
Down by 21 in the first half, the Bulls were dead and buried. However, in honor of Easter Sunday, the Bulls resurrected themselves and took a 10 point lead in the fourth quarter before Carmelo Anthony led a furious comeback in the final minutes. Anthony scored the last seven points for the Knicks in the fourth quarter and five more in overtime including a 25 foot dagger that sunk Chicago in what was the game of the week, if not the season. Anthony finished the game with 43 points, 7 rebounds, 3 assists, and one of the biggest wins he’s had in a Knicks uniform.
I Would Kill (player with the worst overall week or individual game performance):
Angelo: Dwight Howard (Orlando Magic)
Seriously, fuck this guy. Fuck off and never come back.
Triz: Dwight Howard (Orlando Magic)
Well, this goes to team killer Dwight Howard. I’m glad people are starting to give Dwight some flack for his childish antics. I know I sound like a blow-hardy middle age man, but Dwight is what is wrong with sports. He gets paid a shit-ton of money to play basketball. Shut your fucking mouth and do your job. Fuck him.
Eric: Dwight Howard (Orlando Magic)
For as poorly as The Decision was handled, at least it was over in one hour. This soap opera in Orlando, Guiding Dwight if you will, is ridiculous and an insult to basketball fans everywhere. Not only did Dwight deny he had asked for Stan Van Gundy to be fired literally moments after SVG relayed that story to the media, he followed it up with an 8 point, 8 rebound, 5 foul performance in a loss to the Knicks on national television. Fans are willing to forgive a sizable amount of drama as long as a star continues to put up big numbers, and they are willing to put up with an off night from that star as long as there is no drama to accompany it. The combination of high drama and a lackluster performance is justifiably driving Magic fans insane.