I know what you’re thinking. “Hey Angelo, don’t Smoke These Joints” usually go up on weekends so we have some interesting, light reading to go along with our Sunday newspaper?” One, yes, you are correct, they do normal go on up weekends. Two, why the fuck are you reading a newspaper? Are you 70? If so, how did you find us? Are you reading this on a WebTV? Do they have mobile internet on Jitterbug’s now?

But yes, I am late in delivering this quality little weekly recap to you and for that, I am immensely sorry. I have spent this weekend driving across the barren wasteland known as Indiana for my cousin’s wedding, so as I type this I am sore from being in a car for like a bajillion hours, running on two hours of sleep and a bunch of coffee, and am nursing a wound to my ego after being shot down by a cute brunette who could crip-walk. That said, here’s a quick update of what you missed this last week at I GO HARD NOW.

The Good for Us, but Bad for Him: Mikey mourns the loss of his coffee maker in Monday’s Morning Hardwood. You can really sense the loss in Mikey’s voice here. While I’ve never been so attached to a coffee maker (I’m a French Press guy and really, one French Press is like all the others out there), I did suffer a similar loss recently when my Henckel’s “No Stain” Santoku Knife finally bit the dust and stained. How, I’m not sure, but that was my first real chef’s knife. We go back about three and a half years that knife and I. I actually bought it with my first paycheck from my first job out of College. We’ve been through a lot together, moves, a horrible battle with flour beetles (put your flour in air-tight containers people, those little bastards are annoying) and more group dinners than I can remember. In the end, while my new Shun is bigger, sexier, and way sharper than that first knife ever was, nothing can fill that hole emotionally. Let’s pour one out to all our lost brothers.

The Better for Us, but Still Pretty Bad for Him: SpaceFunMars grows up and signs away his life to Dan Gilbert. We all have principles. We all, at some point, will have to break them as well. Here SpaceFunMars struggles with the fact that, to begin his new life with his wife to be, he has to sign his life over to an NBA owner that he’s vowed to boycott and go thousands of dollars in debt to him. While not all of us have had to swallow such a tough pill, we’ve all been there.

The Honorable Mention: Charty McGraph brings the charts, graphs and fun! I love charts. Seriously, my friends have an entire collection of ridiculous charts and graphs I’ve made. Charty really went for my heart this week when she debuted the amazingly titled “I GO CHART NOW”, which features some of the week’s most interesting statistical observations. Keep it up Charty, because this should quickly become my favorite thing.

The Absolutely Insane and Best of the Week: Brandon Bombay with not one, not two, but THREE DIFFERENT ARTICLES IN ONE WEEK! THREE ARTICLES! ONE WEEK! Is this a new record? First, he single-handedly covered Marry/Fuck/Kill for us, and bailed out our collective ass. Then, he brought us the next update in his “Non-All Star League Pass All-Stars” series. And finally, as if that wasn’t enough, he christened Gerald Green the Green Light. You went hard this week buddy, you earned this one.