Far off the shores of Indonesia, there lies an island; Rondo Island. To basketball fans like you and I, this exotic land is home to some of the most exciting basketball that most will never see. Except now, because of a world traveler named Orlando ‘Tubby’ Smith, the world now can have a taste of Rondo Island’s exciting brand of basketball every night.
On Rondo Island, all the inhabitants were similar to minotaurs in their appearance, except hints of dinosaur features in their faces. This is because on this island, humans, dinosaurs and bulls carried on filthy menage a trois way back when, breeding a race of part minotaur, part dinosaur creatures that exceled at basketball.
Rajon Rondotaur was born of a single mother on the hard streets of Rondo Island. As is the culture on Rondo Island, everyone is given the surname “Rondotaur” and are given unique first names. Rajon’s was the most distinct.
“The fuck does Rajon mean?”
“Your mother a fucking crack head?”
“You have a stupid name.”
The taunts were relentless.
Basketball was the game of choice on the island, and like the other Rondotaurs, Rajon played the game as he was taught; fast and loose. Fast break layups were the norm and because of the pace of play, jump shots were rarely taken.
Rajon wasn’t the tallest Rondotaur on the island, but played the game with the most passion. Driven by the insensitive mocking of his first name, Rajon was hyper aggressive on the court to show everyone who the most talented four-legged beast was on the island. At the age of two, he led the island in steals and assists in his first semi-pro game.
Then the previously-mentioned world traveler, Tubby Smith, visited the island. He was on one of his yearly recruiting trips where he enslaved European basketball players to perform at the college level and decided to stop by Rondo Island for its famed under-age Rondotaur sex trade as an escape from ruining the lives of Eastern Europeans.
While on the way to be urinated and defecated on by a four year old Rondotaur at a brothel, Smith caught Rajon out of the corner of his eye freaking brothers every way like MJ. He was fucking around and got a triple double. He was ripping other Ronotaurs of the ball and going coast to coast. He was making wild behind the tail passes. He was calling all the other players ‘motherfuckers.’ From there, Smith knew that Rajon had to be his.
So Tubby proceeded on to the brothel to be pissed and shit on, but on his way back he caged and hustled Rajon off of the island. His plan was for Rajon to be a basketball-playing pet for his wife and kids.
Well that didn’t work out. Rajon had a fancy for fucking Tubby Smith’s wife with his 18-inch Rondotaur penis while yelling disparaging things about Tubby. This drove Tubby nuts.
One evening while Rajon slept in the slave quarters with other UK “recruits,” Tubby snuck in and cut off Rajon’s hind quarters with a hand saw. No more tail. No more hind legs. No more 18-inch cock. Rajon was a normal bipod.
Knowing that he couldn’t return Rajon to Rondo Island in this condition and the cops would be on to him if he let him die, Smith nursed Rajon to health, set him up with a surrogate family and acclimated him to a human lifestyle. Feeling indebted to everything he put Rajon through, Tubby also assured him a spot on UK’s basketball team as a possible avenue to a lucrative way of life.
From there, you know Rajon Rondo’s story. As you can see, it hasn’t been an easy path to the NBA, and Rondo never seen his parents or Rondo Island since his youth. It’s too hard on him, but that’s what drives him to greatness.