Click for full sized image

Title: Along the River; Behind the Grocery Store

Artist: Spacefunmars

Description: If this drawing looks familiar, that is because it is the same court I used in the original My Stomping Grounds post. I love this basketball court. It is in the neighborhood just beside my own in Buffalo — a neighborhood called Black Rock. From one angle, you can see many trees lining a beautiful river that bike paths follow in parallel. From another, there are wonderfully graffiti-ed buildings and the dual steeples of a Catholic church.

Just behind the court (and not shown in the drawing) is a hill that leads to Buffalo’s largest grocery store (Wegmans). The hill barely keeps the store at bay from becoming a complete eyesore, and it lends the court an air of secrecy and privacy. Buffalo has many other basketball courts displayed more prominently in its larger parks that people use far more. This one remains my favorite if only because it is a hidden gem that seems to only be used by the residents of the Black Rock neighborhood.

On a note only somewhat related to this actual court, if you look closely at the backboard, the word “bcuz” is spray painted there. Someone (or a group of someones) go around Buffalo and graffiti stuff with this word and sometimes with a few words like “bcuz I don’t care about your guardrail.” The idea being they are spray painting stuff just for the sake of spray painting stuff. I happen to love it, and one can find that graffiti almost everywhere.

Check out this post to learn how to contribute to the My Stomping Grounds image collection.

 Buy a canvas print of this drawing.

Hey kids! Eyenga has been a busy little beaver lately, so it would be almost criminal not to keep everyone up to date. He’s been living the high life. He bought three iPads and 2 MacBooks (for only $2,500!). He bought expensive shoes for his sister. He bought a Lamborghini. He bought Call of Duty for the Playstation Vita, which is supposed to be awful. Oh yeah, and he bought these t-shirts:

Just because Eyenga is a man of exquisite taste and style doesn’t mean he is above buying a bunch of extremely hideous t-shirts. He’s a man of the people, and the people like loud shirts with fake gold printed on them. Not to mention, these shirts are a post-modern ironic expression of grandeur. Sure, Eyenga has the money to buy actual gold chains to drape over his shirts, but he’s buying shirts with fake gold on them instead. His sense of baller is at genius levels.

Did we mention, he also bought this:

First class tickets on Emirates Airlines. That’s the ultimate in baller, but we don’t need to tell any of you that. You can see how decked out his first class experience is through the set-up in the above picture.

Before any of you get on him for spending a bunch of money he doesn’t have now that he isn’t in the NBA, ponder for a second where he might be going on that first class flight. Then ponder these tweets:

Long flight? Chinese? Could it be?

Former NBA “player” Marcus Williams was suspended from the Shanxi Zhongyu Brave Dragons for six months after failing a drug test. Eyenga is taking his place… with a vengeance! That’s right! Eyenga is back and balling in a professional (Chinese) basketball league! He worked hard this off-season on revolutionizing his game, and now it’s all paid off. The dollars are rolling in, and Eyenga is going to make it rain money AND buckets SIMULTANEOUSLY! We couldn’t be happier for him if scientists attached electrodes to the part of our brains that control happiness and continuously shocked that area into a constant state of blissful elation!

WE ARE GOING TO SNORT COCAINE TONIGHT!

But on a somber note, this isn’t only a moment of extreme joy for all us Eyenga fans. It’s all a moment of relief that the following tweets will never happen again now that he’s doing what he loves for a real professional (Chinese) league:

If we can get real for a moment, these were a dark few months for Eyenga. He got cut from Orlando on the verge of NBA stardom. He was forced to do unspeakable acts of unspeakableness on some Texas D-League team. He wasted his money on that Vita Call of Duty game that’s supposed to be really bad. But now all of that is behind us.

Eyenga is going to man-whore his way through China. Eyenga is going to get laid more than he ever could in America — even with all the slutty hanger-on women we have here. And he’ll probably play some basketball, too. He’s living the American dream by being a Congolese citizen getting paid and laid in China.

God bless America and God bless Christian Eyenga. Yes we can! Yes we did!  Yes he will every night for the rest of the Chinese league season! Maybe in the mornings, too:

Jetleg or fun-loving, Eyenga is having a good time.

New to the Comic? Read the Archives

Chances at making sports history are fleeting. They consist of a hodgepodge of greatness, luck, and circumstance. It is so rare that a team can make an impact on the record books, and this is why I think it is necessary to applaud the Nuggets on their history making night in Portland today. They shot 0-22 on three pointers tonight, and that is one hell of a record.

It takes a special kind of team to get a record like that — especially when the team doesn’t consist entirely of 15 Dwight Howard clones who suddenly decide to take a plethora of three point attempts. Denver is not totally inept from behind the arc this season. While they rank 25th in three point field goal percentage, it could be worse. They could be last. In fact, the difference between Denver and the last place team in three point percentage is the same as the difference between Denver and the fourth place team.

Or at least it was until tonight’s game happen. Those stats are bound to look different once NBA.com gets around to updating them. The stats I quoted in the previous paragraph do not reflect the level of victory Denver achieved on this most historic of nights. A victory that cannot be calculated purely in wins or loses.

Although, Denver did lose.

Losing made their entry into history all the more admirable. With three minutes to go, this game was still very winnable, but Denver made a game-long decision to shoot themselves out of victory and into history. They shot themselves into greater history than a mere extra win in the standings. And while, with three minutes to go, Denver could have deviated from that plan, they decided to keep their course.

Full steam ahead to history!

Down by six with three minutes to go, Denver took a three point shot, missed (of course), got an offensive rebound, and then missed another three point shot. In those last three minutes alone, the team took (and missed) five three pointers, yet they still scored ten points through free throws and two point makes. Portland also received the benefit of four gimme points through intention fouls/free throws at the end of the game, giving them an eight point lead that, minus intentional fouls, could have easily been merely a four point lead given that Portland only shot 35.9% for the game. If Denver had taken a different approach in those final minutes, maybe they would have won the game (well, we will get to that later), but at what cost?

Denver also shot horrifically during this game with an overall FG% of 38.8%. Clearly, though, this number is swayed greatly by the three point misses. Taking those away, but still leaving in all the missed midrange shots (Denver made only one shot from midrange or longer the entire game), the FG% looks a lot different. Had Denver not shot a single three pointer the entire game, their FG% would have been 50%.

If we lived in a world where those 22 three point attempts were two point attempts, Denver would have needed to shoot 22.73% to win the game. That would have given Denver 103 points for the game — two more than Portland’s 101. Even an awful team on an awful shooting night can make 5 out of 22 shots.

Of course, it’s not that simple, is it? Surely, Denver did not plan to break the three point record when they went into the game tonight. They went about their normal game plan, saw they were missing threes, and then they went for it. They took advantage of circumstances that were already going in their favor.

The question, then, is what was their decision point? At what point could they have realistically missed a bunch of threes and decided to not take anymore while still most likely winning the game? The easy answer, but incorrect answer, would probably be after their 12th missed three pointer. That leaves ten more shots to change from three pointers to two pointers, and if they kept up their 50% scoring clip on two pointers, they would have won the game.

The problem with that is most of their two pointers were pretty decent shots. There is no way of knowing the quality of the shots if Denver had taken two pointers instead of those last ten three point shots. In some semblance of fairness, I am going to assume Denver would have shot about 40% on those two pointers. That means they would have had to quit taking three pointers somewhere around the ninth or tenth missed shot if they were going to definitely get the win instead of the record.

That seems far too early in the game to give up, and we, the NBA fans, are lucky they didn’t.

It is hard to predict how things would have gone in those close last three minutes if Denver had abandoned their bid for history (because of the before mentioned four points Portland got off of intentional fouls), but it’s worthwhile to guess because that was the last turning point. Denver would have needed to either tie or take the lead in the game before the final ten seconds when they started fouling.

Remember, they shot five three pointers in the last three minutes, but two of those came after the intentional fouling started. That means, if they took two pointers instead of three pointers in those last minutes, they would have had to make two out of three to tie. Considering that two three pointers were taken on one possession, that also means they would have had to score on every possession to even tie the game.

Factor in the extra two possessions Denver got in the final ten seconds from intentional fouling, and to even tie the game, they still would have needed to score on every possession. Since that would have been a near impossibility, it is clearly a good thing that Denver decided to go for the record instead of the win.

Before that, the next available, realistic turning point where Denver could have quit taking three pointers and gone for the win was with 7:07 left in the game. However, from this point forth, Denver only took six three point attempts. They get one extra possession to work with, but they still have to score (on only two pointers) on five out of six possessions to even send the game into overtime and all six possessions to win it.

The very last point where Denver could have quit going for the record like a bunch of cowards and instead probably won was with 2:27 left in the third quarter. They were down by nine points then, but they would have gotten twelve extra two point attempts. By then, we are all thankful that this team had their priorities straight. They would become heroes on this December night — not a bunch of jerks who won a meaningless regular season game.

While this was a team effort on Denver’s part, not everyone contributed to the record. In fact, the record could have been much better if the following players had even attempted a three pointer: JaVale McGee, Kosta Koufos, Kenneth Faried, Timofey Mozgov, and Anthony Randolph. I know these guys are all power forwards or centers, but that is no excuse for lacking team spirit. If Andrew Bynum has the guts to attempt a three pointer, surely the previous list of NON-All-Star players could, too.

But I hate to end on a negative note. This was a night about triumph and the inevitably of greatness — not about gutless non-contributors! (Sorry!)  What Denver did tonight was nothing short of amazing, and it is worth pointing out that they actually had the record for most missed three pointers at 21.

Then the clock was ticking down to the final buzzer.

And Ty Lawson stepped up to the three-point line.

Clang.

Nothing but history — with a new record that is just a little harder to beat.

I can’t pretend to know what every team in the NBA wants for Christmas, so it’s a good thing I GO HARD NOW was lucky enough to get the Christmas lists for every team in the NBA. Yesterday, Angelo shared the lists of six teams, and today I have another six. If you are any good at math and alphabetizing stuff, you should have a faint idea of what the rest of the week has in store here at IGHN.

Dallas Mavericks: An even newer CBA that allows Mark Cuban to simultaneously put himself in the starting lineup AND spend as much money as he wants on free agents without any kind of cap on player or team salaries. His end game is to put so much talent on his team that he can win a title as the starting point guard for the Mavs.

Denver Nuggets: The ability to play every game at home… and maybe a new arena at an even higher elevation.

Detroit Pistons: For Charlie Villanueva to decline his 2013-2014 player option. Then the Pistons can pretend their 2009 off-season signings never happened.

Golden State Warriors: For Bogut to ever play again. The Warriors have to choose between a few offensively inane centers… If Bogut can walk and block a few shots, he’ll be an upgrade.

Houston Rockets: To go back in time and sign Jeremy Lin to a minimum salary five year contract in the 2011 off-season before he went to New York and inflated his value.

Indiana Pacers: For their seven foot tall, athletic freak, all-star center to shoot above 40%. Because even that would be a terrible shooting percentage for Roy Hibbert.

New to the Comic? Read the Archives

It is late while I write this, and I suppose that is partially because I want it to reach all the late-night weirdos first. The kind of people who stay awake at odd, fuzzy hours just to share basketball memes on Twitter. The kind of people who have too many ideas spinning through their non-stop brains to sleep even when they know it would be better for them to just call it a night. I think this project would appeal to those kinds of people. Most possibly you.

I am putting together a project for basketball lovers who want to share in a group experience. It is a project for people want to be connected in the best ways the Internet connects people. It is a project for people who want to share their individualism while reiterating on a shared theme.

The idea is fairly simple. I am collecting images — specifically images of basketball courts. These images can be photographs. These images can be original drawings. The only limiting factor is that they must mainly portray a basketball court of some kind. Especially if it’s some random, locally-loved court in your neighborhood. I really want those.

Like the best mass-collaborations in the world, it is an idea that is easy on the contributors. Just go to a favorite basketball court or two, snap or draw a picture (admittedly, drawing takes more time than snapping), and send it to me with a few short lines of information that I will include at the bottom of this post. I will then use all the images I receive to build a collection.

Hopefully a large collection.

Hopefully a diverse collection.

Hopefully it will connect us. We can share our community pride. We can share our love of art. We can share our love of basketball — and not just NBA basketball like we celebrate (and honestly make fun of quite often) on this blog. The kind of basketball people play just for fun. The kind of courts that every so often are the basketball homes to random kids who grow up and really do join the NBA.

I implore anyone who reads this to email me at kal@igohardnow.com (alternatively, our Twitter handle is @igohardnow) and share an image of a basketball court (or two or three) near where you live. And then I implore you to share this link with someone else you know and ask that person to do the same. You don’t have to be a professional artist or photographer. You just have to go out there, take a picture, and share what your stomping grounds are like.

And when you do email me, make sure you also include the following information:

I am a bit of an animal lover. I enjoy the zoo. I have too many pets. And most of all, I think animals make the best team mascots — especially those that actually inhabit the area near where a professional team plays (sorry, Memphis Grizzlies). As such, the recent New Orleans name change (to the Pelicans) has grown on me — in no small part because fellow IGHNer Jeff pointed out it sounds like the name of an indie rock band.

I would be overjoyed if every team in the NBA changed their name to a local animal, so I decided to make the push. Triz Gallo, Angelo, and I came up with a list of possible name changes for each team in the NBA (other than the ones who already have an existing local animal as their mascot). The list is thirty teams long (imagine that), so I won’t doddle too long explaining them. Plus, it’s self-explanatory anyway.

Here we go!

Atlantic Division

Boston Terriers – The name is a natural fit, but these dogs are also fun because they’re so ugly. Sort of like Boston basketball has been for the last four years!

Brooklyn Bed Bugs – It’s alliteration, so we won’t over-think this.

Philadelphia Fireflies – The firefly is the Pennsylvania state insect, and it sounds pretty cool.

Toronto Raptors – Little known fact — raptors are actually a common animal just outside of Toronto. Probably. It’s Canada, so who cares?

New York Sewer Rats – They are fearsome and deadly… in that they carry diseases

Central Division

Chicago Cardinals – It’s the state bird, and they can safely keep their color scheme. Everybody wins!

Cleveland Zebra Mussels – They’re killing Lake Erie, so that’s kind of scary, right?

Detroit Roving Wild Dogs – People can say, “Detroit is Wild Dog country!” and really mean it…

Indiana White People – It’s like a really specific version of the Riverdale Community College Humans.

Milwaukee Bucks – No explanation needed, so I’m going to advise you to fear the deer instead.

Southeast Division

Atlanta Pogo Possums – Georgia has a state possum, and we’re pretty excited about that.

Charlotte Squirrels – It’s their state animal. Obviously, they’re actually going to go back to the Hornets eventually, but that would be too easy of a suggestion.

Miami Manatees – This name will be especially fitting the next time Lebron is a free agent. Lebron:Powerboat::Miami:Manatees. Also, it’s the state marine mammal because that’s a thing.

Orlando Panthers – It’s the state animal, and panthers are really cool.

Washington Weasels - Other than the alliteration, let’s all admit that weasels are sort of cool. They’re mean. They’re crazy, and I would get a t-shirt with a cartoon weasel on it. I would.

Northwest Division

Denver Elk – I think this really fits the fact that they will never not be a running team.

 Minnesota Timberwolves – Minnesota already knew what was up. They picked a fierce animal that actually lives in the Minnesota area. Cool deal.

Portland Porcupines – The needle-y-est mammal to roam Earth (probably). Plus, you know… alliteration again.

Oklahoma City Prairie Dogs – At the very least, it’s better than being named after a sound.

The Utah Pronghorn Antelopes – Fun fact, they are really not actual antelopes, but we’ll ignore that.

Pacific Division

Golden State Seals – I guess they could do some sort of pun-based seal (the animal) and Seal (as in Navy Seal) cross-over mascot that could make seven year old boys happy.

Los Angeles Khloe Kardashians – Clearly this name belongs to the former Clippers. Sterling deserves it, and think of the reality show tie-ins.

Los Angeles Mountain Lions – A fearsome name for a team that will probably be back to winning championships sometime next year because that’s what they do.

Phoenix Javelinas – They sort of look like pigs if pigs were harmless monsters. I don’t think I need to say more.

Sacramento Grey Whales – Sacramento is on the grey whales’ migration path to Alaska and back… It’s sort of like this team — they’re just passing through (IE: not here to stay).

Southwest Division

Dallas Coyotes – They’re cute and deadly. Just like Dirk… or something.

Houston Armadillos – If I have to sell you on a team whose mascot is an armadillo, just leave now and never come back to this site, okay?

Memphis Mockingbirds – The mockingbird is Tennessee’s state bird, and this can loosely tie in with Hunger Games fans (I know, it’s a “mockingjay” in the book, but this is close enough).

New Orleans Pelicans – This could really become the funkiest team mascot in the NBA.

San Antonio Badgers – Badgers are nasty, and a San Antonio defense has been traditionally known to BADGER people. Get it?

 (Huge, huge thanks to Angelo and Triz on this article. They did most of the work, and I’m still going to get most of the credit. Life isn’t fair. And an extra huge thanks to Boosh, who made the hilarious New York and Miami logos.)

New to the Comic? Read the Archives

There is something horribly wrong with me, but to my credit, there is something horribly wrong with a lot of my fellow Cavs fans. A lot of us found a measure of closure when Lebron won his first championship last season. We spent a vast amount of time rooting for Lebron to never win a title, which made it feel a little useless to continue to actively root against him once he did, in fact, win a title. It would have felt ridiculous to turn around and say, “But I bet he won’t win a second one! Or a third! Choke artist!”

He got his, and all but the most jaded Cavs fans and casual Cleveland fans moved from active hate to passive hate. As this current season began, I was even able to watch him play without my dark Cavs fan anger coming to the surface. I was able to be a neutral observer of the best player in the league, which was nice for a change. Having a second year of Kyrie Irving helped.

That vacation to reality is all in the past, though.

Forgiving Lebron has unbolted the door to something far more psychotic than hating a guy who plays a children’s game for playing that children’s game for a different team than the team in the city near where I lived some of my life. Like a lot of fellow psychotic Cavs fans, I have started to dream about what happens when Lebron’s contract is up. Namely — I dream about Lebron coming back to Cleveland.

This is not a big issue in itself — especially since I think it is mostly unlikely.  But there is something in that unlikeliness that makes me dream more elaborately. It’s like I’ve spent hundreds of dollars on lottery tickets, and I am already planning out what happens every step of the way. I am spending more than a healthy amount of time concocting fantasy scenarios for how Lebron will sign with Cleveland.

This has lead me to actively root against the Heat and not Lebron this time. Where before, I wanted the Heat to lose as a result of Lebron’s failure as a player, I now want the Heat to lose despite Lebron’s greatness. I want him to get better every year as his team gets worse as a whole. I want him to again feel the helplessness he felt when he wasn’t winning titles in Cleveland.

Simultaneously, I want the Cavs to grow their young nucleus into a near Thundereon-core while retaining enough cap space for that one big signing. The only superstar who would even consider moving from a destination like Miami to a place like Cleveland. Just to win. Just to taste redemption. Just to fix the broken fan relationships he suddenly misses.

It is so minutely plausible that I can’t help be dwell on it. I don’t think it will happen. I think the odds are stacked so much against it. But like the near-statistical impossibility of winning the lottery, some people do win, and that is why I dare to dream. Because nobody wants to dream about their 401K. Whatever the NBA version of that is.

I dream about shortcuts. In life and in the NBA.